News: SRK picked for Indian T20 team as part of Ra.One promotion

Mumbai: In an absolutely predictable turn of events, Bollywood star Shahrukh Khan is expected to be picked for the Indian cricket team that will do the duties in the lone T20 against England at Kolkata on October 29.

Shahrukh is set to play for the Indian cricket team as part of the marketing blitz for Ra.One, which is releasing in theatres on October 26 (today).

Confirming the development, a top BCCI source said it was only a logical culmination to both the absolute commercialisation of Indian cricket and the over-the-top marketing of the Ra.One team - "We have nothing left in Indian cricket to sell except spots in the Indian cricket team. And that is what we have done now," explained the BCCI source. "If this experiment works out well, we will doubtless make it a permanent idea, providing a berth in the Indian cricket team for other actors in the run up to the release of their respective films."

The BCCI source conceded that there might be some ticklish issues to be tackled in the future, like when a Salman Khan starrer was set to be released; "Salman may insist on turning up in Indian colours on a, er, bare torso. You know what I mean," the source said and added: "but look at the positive side. We may have the biggest fantasy of every cricket fan coming true, which is Rajnikanth playing for the Indian team. That will give the Indian team a chance to enforce the follow-on without batting even once. Who knows he may score in one innings what took Sir Donald Bradman 52 Tests to."

Also, the BCCI source said: "Imagine Rajnikanth declaring in the post-match presentation: "I did it for Sachin". I get goose bumps merely thinking about it."

And how about, Sachin saying: "It augurs well for the future of Indian cricket that youngsters like Rajnikanth are showing tremendous potential."

Coming back to Shahrukh’s inclusion in the team, with India having wrapped up the ODI series against England in a rather comprehensive manner, this was the only way to add some meaning to an anyway meaningless series. It is not clear whether Shahrukh will be played as a batsman or bowler. Whatever that be, he can be counted to ham it to the best of his abilities.

But it is most likely that the underperforming Parthiv Patel will be dropped and Shahrukh will come in as his replacement.  The BCCI source said that though the idea to include Shahrukh was part of a commercial deal, it still made a lot of cricketing sense. "Look at it this way, Shahrukh playing in the team would seem much more acceptable than Parthiv being dropped and his place inevitably going to — knowing the ways of this particular selection committee — Anirudha Srikkanth".

The BCCI source said it is not as if Shahrukh is a total outsider to cricket. He is the owner of the IPL team Kolkata Knightriders. "Talking of KKR, Shahrukh being picked for the Indian cricket team can still be more logically explained than Ajit Agarkar being picked for Kolkata Knightriders."

Meanwhile, an unidentified Indian player was quoted saying that he was delighted when he was told that a member of Ra.One cast will play in the Indian Eleven in the T20. "But I was slightly deflated when I came to know that it will be Shahrukh and not Kareena. With Kareena around, it would have been more fun, especially the team huddle", he twinkled his eyes conspiratorially.   

Elsewhere, sources in the Shahrukh Khan camp said that he was happy that he would be part of the Indian team.  Shahrukh is expected to do his Chammak Challo jig after the fall of every English wicket, providing an entertaining contrast to the current routine which now involves Suresh Raina/Virat Kohli smothering the bowler or the catcher in a clinch, which is sure to fetch a full nelson in a wrestling bout.

The marketing team of Ra.One said they were also in negotiations with the Anna Hazare team to try and include Shahrukh as part of their contingent. "We have thought up imaginative schemes like a free ticket to Ra.One for anyone actually reading what is in the Lokpal Bill," they said and added the only glitch here maybe that Digvijay Singh would end up accusing a Muslim, which Shahrukh is, of having ties with the RSS. "When it comes to unseemly publicity we confess that we come second only to Digvijay!," they said ruefully.

(Disclaimer: Trying to spoof the over-the-top marketing blitz of Ra.One, we seem to have actually given more publicity to the film. So this joke is on us.)

Open defecation – what shit!

Was speaking to an onsite colleague of mine from Singapore who plans to visit India for the first time. The biggest shocker that she has heard/read about India, is that there are a lot among us who defecate in the open. I believe she must have read this.

The Government, in its health plans and high morality statements always talk about providing toilets for this lot. I've seen some of these provided toilets and let me tell you, I'd rather let go in the open! On the other hand I'd once come across an article saying that a Social Service Organization (Sulabh) has created amazing toilets which work at a nominal fee. The fee is towards maintaining the loo and paying basic labour charges for people who work there. This is a model that has worked, both for the toilet-less and for people in transit. The failure if any has been to provide enough number of these. For e.g. 60% of Mumbai lives in slums, that's close to about 10 million in Mumbai itself. The number across India will be humongous of course.

The act of defecation in the open is noteworthy. Most people with any degree of self respect would do it with their backsides facing you. So while its spoils your view, it protects his identity. The favourite zone for most defecators is next to the railway tracks. This has several reasons, the obvious one being that most slums are located next to them. The not so obvious reason is that the railway track afford anonymity. The constant rush of local past you potentially means 5000 people every train seeing you go in the open. The upside of course is that the trains pretty quick and the traveller has better things to look at, like whether there's a bomb in the luggage rack!

The other aspect that highlights the sheer abhorrence for the act is the fact that most open air defecators, given a choice, would like to do it at such a point where in they really don't have to see their own do, which is probably why riversides are favourite haunts in the countryside and nallahs in the cities.

The Golden Days of Tennis

 

And there we have it, a pretty heartbreaking season as a Federer fan. Nevertheless, congratulations to Nole, for playing some wonderful tennis and earning this well-deserved trophy and the number 1 ranking, after all that he's been this year on the tour. The fact that he beat Federer and Nadal en route to winning all the three Majors is just the icing on the cake for him. This may not last forever (what does?) but it's here, now, and that's really enough for Djokovic.

As a friend has pointed out, this blog has gone rather long without a tennis-related post. There hasn't been too much to gloat about in that area for a while, and though I really had a post planned out after Roland Garros (and then after Wimbledon), I used up all the steam replying to taunts on Facebook and then got rather bored of the whole idea.

Tennis news and reporters haven't been much fun of late, simply because they tend to sound pretty idiotic, what with writing several hundred words about a player's English or labelling people the "greatest of all time". The latter is something I find pretty naive; how can you compare a player from 20 years ago with one from today and claim the other is "better" because he won more Slams? Context, as so many forget, is très important.
So let us not forget that Federer started his career before Nadal, and so it's probably natural that he wave goodbye before him too, whenever that will be. Let's also not forget that Nadal's major challenge when he started winning the big ones came in the form of Federer, while in Federer's early years on the circuit there were a number of wonderful players, including but not limited to Hewitt, Roddick, Safin and Sampras and Agassi were still around. That's not to say that Federer was the only challenge for Nadal, but funnily enough he seems to be the only one people talk about as fading before Nadal's racquet. And while Federer's domination in those years was an exciting thing for his fans, it probably wasn't for tennis.

So today, after all these years of doing what he's done in and for the game, if he doesn't win every single Slam because other players are playing very well too (Nadal isn't dominating either) it's a great thing for tennis as a sport. If this indeed, to quote a number of sports journalists these days, is his "twilight" or "he's fading out" or "aging gracefully", hasn't he earned it? But I think it would be nice to let him do it on his own terms, without branding him with fickle headlines every other day. After the French semi-final where he defeated Djokovic, these same people were lauding his sublime skills and praising him to the skies and buzzing about his "return"; two days later they had once again written off his career. Like Andy Roddick said a few years ago, "you guys are brutal. Absolutely brutal. All he's done is won a Slam and make it to two finals? I'd love his bad year, I'd love it". Apparently, only winning every Grand Slam makes a player truly great.

And then there are the kind of commentators and journalists, who say things like "Rafa is only 25 and he has 10 Slams which is more than Federer did at that age so he's the greatest and he will break his record" - well, life, luck and a bunch of other brilliant players notwithstanding. And so what, really? So what if he wins more Slams? Did people who love Sampras hate him or undermine him when Federer won a couple more Slams than him? I hardly think that Federer will somehow become less praiseworthy just because Nadal has a couple more trophies than him on his shelf (Ask me, and I don't think Nadal's going to surpass Federer in the Majors count)

I will never like Nadal even if Federer were to vanish suddenly. I have nothing against him as a person, I simply don't enjoy watching him play. His game is all about power and bulldozing after the ball, and some might find that attractive. To each his own. Federer's game is a thing of beauty and just so artistic. Stylish. And that's what makes it so endearing to watch. It helps when a player can crack a smile now and again too, of course. As for the tears, I always rather admired them, but that's a whole other post.

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, or ZNMD as it is popularly called was, to put it in one line, as Javed Jaffery would have said - "it's different"! (For some it was almost Deepak Chopra, Robin Sharma with a dash of Katrina, for reasons I couldn't understand)

As its tagline goes, this movie is about seizing the moment, live life, over come your fears et al. Instead of doing the standard review, I thought I'd shed light on some subtle, some untold messages to be taken home from the movie. 

Disclaimer: Readers are advised to take these tongue-in-cheek.

Here you go - 

• Never ever show your girlfriend the gift you got for your mom or sister.

• Never flirt with your best friend’s girlfriend; he’ll not forgive you till he gets his next - Friendship Na Rahegi Dobara.

• Your friend may still accept if you flirt with his girlfriend but never ever mess with his cell phone.

• Close your room’s door before you video chat with your fiancée.

• It’s still fine if you don’t know swimming but learn dancing and driving.

• Always be kiss-ready and ready-to-kiss!

• If hit hard, even tomatoes hurt.

• Love and Sex are beyond any boundaries, especially linguistic boundaries.

• If two of the three friends date one girl, and third one somehow couldn’t – he’ll one day call her a bitch.

• And last but not the least – holidays are a must - Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara!
  

Different takes

Culture isn't just about what you wear, it is also about respecting others' choices.

Respect isn't just about how many people salute you, it is also about whether you treat them equally.

Equality isn't just about reservation, it is also about never thinking what caste the other person belongs to.

Freedom isn't just about being able to complain about the system, it is also about making the right choice to have the correct one in place.

Patriotism isn't just about buying the miniature national flag from the street children at the traffic signal, it is also about wondering what you can do so that they don't need to sell them in the first place.

They had more than 200 years to come to where they are now. We have had barely sixty.

Don't pretend to be someone you are not. Don't stand back and wish that things should change. To be a better citizen, start with being a better person. Accept your country the way you accept your mother. The day you leave her for better opportunities, you forfeit all rights to complain.

Jai Hind!

Three

Three is a special number.

It's a complete number. Three dots to make a triangle. Three to determine a circle.

Three makes the holy trinity.

Three primary colours.

Three dimensions.

Three wishes in a fairytale world.

Three is the number of years I've been blogging. And if three is the number of years you've stuck around with me, you are special. Because three is a special number. Thank you.

And if three isn't the number of years you've stuck around, thank you as well. For being here now. For a new journey.

For three is when things begin…

One. Two. Three.

Coke Studio @ MTV

Like everyone else even I was waiting for CokeStudio India. Must admit that it has got nothing to do with my love of Music, Coke or MTV. Like most other things in life, it was all about herd instinct.

For about a month or so, my Twitter timeline is abuzz with mentions of CokeStudio Pakistan. Frankly speaking, as far as music is concerned, everybody is a big fan of Pakistan. You got it wrong, it's less to do with Ustad Rahat Fateh Ali Khan but more to do with www.songs.Pk, one stop shop for music.

Some say it’s a real game changer for MTV, it'll put Music back to MTV blah blah. But, I am sure that after producing shows like Roadies & SplitsVilla, MTV doesn’t give a damn to M.

Finally when the day arrived (launching of CokeStudio), it took me almost half a minute to find MTV Channel on my TV; last I remember switching on MTV when Cyrus Broacha was young and Cyrus Sahukar wasn’t even born. At last, I was watching Shaan on the CokeStudio and was glad that like everything else we’ll bollywoodise this also.

But, all that begun well didn’t end well for me, this is not what we expect from a music programme, do we…?

Where the hell were judges in this – talented Himesh, Anu Malik, Farah Khan, not even Archana Puran Singh. Now how would I know whether Chinna Ponnu’s scale was correct or not. I still miss Himesh, his cap and his crap ( sorry, I mean Jai Mata Di, let’s rock). Now in absence of an eminent judge like Farah Khan, who would tell Harshdeep that she lacks that X factor and good singing is not everything.

Scoring – Now this is really lame, how can you guys watch a musical without scoring? Imagine talented Archana Puran Singh scoring participants at the CokeStudio and giving 7/10 to Kailash Kher and 9/10 to Khagen Gogoi. For an average audience scores of experts like Sanjay Leela Bhansali and Archana are must to judge and compare the finesse of these performers.

Drama – Simple plain signing, written introduction and then singing again – what the hell is this! Why these guys didn’t show Sabri Brothers' rags to riches story, why cameramen didn’t visit their village to show their old parents, neighbours and even family cow. How about showing Rakhi Sawant and Uday Chopra introducing Shaan? Why Tochi’s family was not in the audience with camera focusing on them every time he picks a high scale note.

Seems there’s no MBA in CokeStudio team, how can you have a reality music show with no movie stars coming and promoting their movie. SRK could have come to promote RaOne.  Tushaar, Arshad, Sharman should have been called to promote Golmaal 9, they would also have judged the show. Gifted Tushaar would have given a tip or two to Sabri Bros.

Last and the most important, NO VOTE APEEAL – now this is ridiculous. Harshdeep should have appealed for vote, especially from Punjab. I was ready with my mobile and would have spent  Rs. 7 to “save her”.  This is really bad for the economy as well.

Let’s watch the next episode coming Friday, if they don’t correct themselves even then, one of you should fast in front of CokeStudio, okay?

Tom Hanks: up there!

Tom Hanks happens to be my most favourite actor. He is by far one of the most versatile actors we have, who can portray any role given to him with ease. Having watched almost every movie of his, I thought it was time for me to mention some of those movies of his that I loved the most. I'm also sure many people would have already watched these movies. For those of you who haven’t, what are you waiting for… grab the DVDs! There's no way these movies can be missed, each being a classic in its own way.

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• Forrest Gump (1994)

I'm sure no human exists on this planet who has not watched or heard about this movie. One of the best movies ever made in Hollywood. This was the movie which made me fall in love with Tom Hanks’ acting. No other actor could have done justice to the role, I feel. "Stupid is as stupid does" was one of the most amazing dialogues in the movie. I love this quote from the movie: "My momma always said, Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get." The movie has humour, romance, drama, tragedy… everything and is very entertaining too.

• The Terminal (2004)

This is another great movie which must not be missed. Tom Hanks gets stuck at an airport in US since his passport becomes invalid. The way he learns to speak English, the way he goes to that girl every single day with the hope that she might put a stamp, the way he pushes carts to get cents is really touching. Catherine Zeta-Jones looks amazing. She is seriously very pretty in this movie.

Favourite quote - Frank Dixon: "Sometimes you land a small fish. You unhook him very carefully. You place him back in the water. You set him free so that somebody else can have the pleasure of catching him."

• Green Mile (1999)

Very few movies touch your heart and this is one such movie. You literally tend to cry at the end, since you hope for a happy ending.  But nevertheless, it makes an entry into my all-time favourite movies. Based on the novel by Stephen King, it is little violent at some parts. There's this one dialogue by Tom Hanks that I liked the most in the movie : "I’ve done some things in my life I’m not proud of, but this is the first time I’ve ever felt in real danger of hell" and this one too: "On the day of my judgement, when I stand before God, and He asks me why did I kill one of his true miracles, what am I gonna say? That it was my job? My job?" And the way Tom Hanks delivers these dialogues makes the scene so touching. The most powerful dialogue makes a lasting impression on my mind, understandably!

• Cast Away (2000)

I'd hoped for a happy ending in this one too, but it was not to be. We can relate to his character so much. What would we do if we accidentally ended up at a marooned island, all by ourselves? Watch Tom Hanks struggle on one such island. The scene where he loses his pal Wilson is the most touching scene in the entire movie.

Chuck Noland: We live and we die by the clock, that’s all we have. Chuck Noland: Don’t worry Wilson, I’ll do all the paddling. You just hang on. Chuck Noland: I couldn’t even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power over nothing.

 

• Saving Private Ryan (1998)

Matt Damon and Tom Hanks in a single movie! A war movie where Tom Hanks is assigned with the mission to rescue Matt Damon, since all his brothers are dead. A slightly different role compared to the rest of his movies (considering most of them were emotional), but does he deliver again!

Favourite quotes -

Captain Miller: It’s like finding a needle in a stack of needles. Captain Miller: He better be worth it. He better go home and cure a disease, or invent a longer-lasting light bulb. Captain Miller: I just know that every man I kill, the farther away from home I feel.

 

• Apollo 13 (1995)

I'm so crazy about science that I had to watch this movie. With my favourite actor in it, it couldn’t have gotten better in any way. Love the way Tom Hanks keeps his calm throughout the movie, even when they are in a situation they are in. Somebody tells me that the scene where Hanks tries to resolve a conflict between two fellow astronauts is actually shown at some training. Apollo 13 was indeed a very unlucky mission for NASA, just like the unlucky number 13 but thankfully they managed to save the astronauts. The most famous words from this movie are “Houston, we have a problem”.

Some more favourites -

Jim Lovell: Gentlemen, it’s been a privilege flying with you. Gene Kranz: I don’t care about what anything was DESIGNED to do, I care about what it CAN do. Gene Kranz: We’ve never lost an American in space, we’re sure as hell not gonna lose one on my watch! Failure is not an option.

 

• Sleepless in Seattle (1993)

A romantic movie to the core. This one's such a cute movie that you will fall in love with the characters. Meg Ryan looks amazing in this movie and I really started liking her after watching this movie. A kid talks to an RJ about his concern that his father might never marry again. One of my (girl) friends was quite keen on visiting The Empire State building to check whether it was really so romantic up there! One of the favourite quotes: “Destiny is something we’ve invented because we can’t stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental.”

Another quote - Sam Baldwin: [looking at a photograph] She looks like my third grade teacher, and I hated my third grade teacher… wait a minute, she IS my third grade teacher!

 

• Catch me if you can (2002)

Again, you have two of the best actors present currently - Leonardo Di Caprio and Tom Hanks. Leonardo plays the role of a crook whose ways of cheating are amazing and Tom Hanks is the cop. Their relationship is beautifully depicted in the movie. Baba tells me the book is as exciting, if not more, as the movie, probably because it's based on a real-life incident.

I like this dialogue - Frank Abagnale, Jr.: Stop chasing me! Carl Hanratty: I can’t stop, it’s my job.

• You’ve got mail (1998)

Another romantic comedy involving Meg Ryan and Hanks again. It is a movie about how two people who have never met, start chatting on the Internet and then end up liking each other. I love this dialogue the most:  “Well, let me ask you something. How can you forgive this guy for standing you up and not forgive me for this tiny little thing of…putting you out of business?”

• Road to perdition (2002)

A completely different kind of role that Tom Hanks has portrayed here. He plays a hitman in this. I love the relationship that he shares with his son. Not a genre everybody will like, but you need to check this out.

Michael Sullivan: So what does the clutch do?
Michael Sullivan, Jr.: It clutches

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Here's wishing Tom Hanks a very happy birthday today and hoping that he continues to enthral us with his stellar performances!

Again, not an exhaustive list of his movies. Let me know the ones you love or the ones worth watching I've missed out here. Also, stop gaping – roughly remembered the quotations; referred the Internet and played the movies again to put the quotes verbatim :)

Happy Birthday, Mommy!

You've brought me into this world,
and cared like I was a precious emerald,
Aai, you've taught me how to walk,
protected me like a shepherd his flock,

Your unceasing, round-the-clock care,
even in my moments of despair,
has seen me through countless hardships,
and grounded me when I'm on my ego-trips,

You've been so understanding that I cannot express,
I've spilled the milk and you've cleaned up the mess,
For my tales of woe, you're always 'all ears',
sound judgement you offer, astute beyond your years,

With a never-fading smile, you make our house a home,
of patience and virtues such, you are an epitome,
But rarely do we realize your worth,
of your affections there's never a dearth,

So Mommy dearest, on this special day,
compliments from devotees come your way,
Thanks Aai, for the countless sacrifices,
for always being around and bearing with my vices,

You are precious Marmee, you bring light into my world,
this is a thank you to that pure heart of gold,
and those frail hands that once rocked the cradle,
though I rarely say it, you are my idol,

For the best mother, I could possibly get,
here's a gift not as perfect,
This humble eulogy from me,
sealed with a hug, and a 'I love you Mommy!'

 

आई, तुला वाढदिवसाच्या हार्दिक शुभेच्छा :)

Baatcheet, bakbak aur… Biscuits

While on the dining table with Aai-Baba on an overcast Sunday, having a hot cuppa and milk with breakfast, I rummaged in the kitchen and came out with the biscuit container. Later as we ripped apart the packets, we began analyzing the biscuits we've grown up enjoying…

I recalled instantly the one biscuit that was luxury to most of us: Bourbon. Those nice brown biscuits studded with sugar crystals had chocolate cream fillings. If you just jammed the thing into your mouth, there was not much to talk about. But the real fun was in opening the set of slim rectangles carefully, chewing the top biscuit before licking up the cream on the other bit, and then munching on that bit to complete the ritual. Yum! This was my alternative demand (request) when Aai-Baba refused to buy chocolates for me!

This was the same case with the Milk Bikis and similar biscuits. You had a variety there with orange, milk and mango flavours. If I remember right, coconut biscuits were forgiven only because of the lovely cream fillings.

Then, my parents had to mention the digestive biscuits, with the nutrition factor being the USP for both of them. They have always loved the tough taste of these biscuits, which made me think of fibre and the works. Made to order for a starving tummy! Aaah, those Good Day biscuits are irresistible too, aren’t they? I remember the time when Neha (my cousin) and I would finish-off a packet within minutes. I also love the Nice biscuits, with edibles the shape of  rectangles. They are delicious, so thumbs up there!

Wafer biscuits were rare, but appreciated nevertheless. I always demanded Creamwich wafer biscuits with cream stuffing here and there.  Of course, we also had and still have the classic Marie biscuits. Again, this us a favourite with Aai-Baba - light and very munch-able. If you had to share biscuits on a picnic, these biscuits were the best choice.

Did I forget the salted biscuits like Monaco? When you want some feeling in those taste buds, you could opt for this namkeen which is easily wolfed down. You could garnish it with toppings like Sauce as well, making it into a yum snack! Krack-Jack would more or less fit in the same category. 

While having milk or tea or coffee, Parle-G / Tiger biscuits make for good time pass. I loved dipping the biscuit into warm milk, and savouring the gooey biscuit. Even otherwise, I could chomp on these anytime!

The current favourite is by far Hide 'n Seek with choco chips embedded in the small grooves that simply melt in your mouth.

What else, I've made a list of biscuits for Aai to buy from the department store the next time she’s out shopping!

Fwd:

Where do forwards originate from? Let’s see if we can uncover one of the many questions that have been confounding IT professionals and other email users all over the world for years! 

No, the answer isn't elves or fairies or any other imaginary creature as one would assume. Believe it or not, these come from fellow mates; but they are different from you or me. Different in what way? Let's classify them based on the kind of forwards we receive - 

# The mushy-gushy-tushy-sushy Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Sunrise/Sunset/Equinox/Solstice mails: 

These are the ones who view the world through rose tinted glasses. That explains the pictures of kittens, pups, girls who look like kittens, boys who look like pups, babies etc. that form an integral part of these forwards. Escalation, bad appraisal, code rejection - such words do not exist in their (specifically for my fellow IT people) dictionary. They probably google the pictures with the tag "I am feeling happy" in the search criteria.

# The "forward to so many people or bad luck/bad hair/bad teeth/bad breath/death awaits you" mails: 

I hate these kind of mails from the deepest, darkest bottom of my heart! The moment I see this line, my fingers involuntarily hit the Shift+Delete keys. These are undoubtedly the works of insecure, fearful, guilty, gullible people who are always looking over their shoulders, wondering how many days they have till the apocalypse strikes. Their google tag - "How will I die?"

# The forwards with videos of people in unmentionable kind of pain/suicide videos: 

Isn't is self-explanatory? These are created and sent by those noble souls who can’t see you go through your daily hardships. All they are trying to do is give you options. The fact that they conduct rituals such as whipping themselves with the mouse chord or putting their fingers in the power sockets twice a week is to be ignored. That's just how they are. Their google tag - "Blood".

# The "your one mail can save the life of this girl": 

It's a long process. First an obscure name and illness is selected. Then the mail server of their choice, who supposedly donate a cent/penny/dime/nickel (I have no clue how one is different from the other) every time the alleged mail is forwarded. Then they sit back and watch the fun by hitting on the public's raw nerve. Sometimes they intervene by putting in a "this is not a hoax" in the biggest, boldest font available. Their google tag - "Illnesses affecting little children".

# The pirates: 

No, they don't wear an eye patch or have a wooden leg or talk in the "arrrggh!" manner. They steal the words spoken by famous people, add some not so funny comments, put some yawn-worthy pictures and send them to everyone on their mailing list with a sense of accomplishment. The lowest of them all steal "famous" forwards and send them after a few aforementioned modifications. The Little Johnny jokes get converted to Santa-Banta jokes and the ‘Bush-isms’ mysteriously emanate from Laloo Prasad Yadav's mouth. These forwards leave you with a sense of déjà vu. Their Google tag - "E-theft 2011, for dummies".

In spite of it all, who are we kidding. Forwards are as important in our lives as the cap on Himesh Reshammiya's head or the DVDs of Hollywood films in our film producers' and directors' racks. What would we do without them!

PS: The subject is just to highlight the body of the post. This is NOT a forward!

Two sides to genius

All the talk about Argentine striker (club: Barcelona) Lionel Messi being the 'Messiah' after last week's Champions League final led me to think more on 'geniuses in sports' - 

List A: Roger Federer, Pete Sampras, Sachin Tendulkar, Rahul Dravid, Ryan Giggs, Vishwanathan Anand 

List B: John McEnroe, Andre Agassi, Shane Warne, Diego Maradona, Zinedine Zidane, Gary Kasparov

What's your perception after going through the above two lists? (which are certainly not exhaustive)

Genius has two sides to it. And both are equally marvellous. There is the refined genius which follows rules, adheres to systems and is the ideal role model. Then there is the maverick who in some ways is unpredictable, bohemian and brash but is an equally good master as his saner counterpart.

The root cause of how a genius turns out is probably a function of genetics and social conditioning both. Disturbed childhoods, traumatic experiences and a host of other factors might move a conventional genius into being a maverick.

PS: For all my money's worth, I couldn't figure out where to place Sourav Ganguly. Where would you add him?

Head over Heels

This post was actually meant to be published on MD's birthday a few days ago, but then Bangalore-Puducherry happened and it got left out. 

Mohini, Mohini, Mohini…*

If Helen of Troy was the face that could launch a thousand ships, she was the face that could launch a thousand movies. When this* chant was inserted as an intro for a film song, little did they know that it would catapult the actress to stardom. She later on went to prove that she was a mohini indeed, an enchantress nonpareil; the real ‘acid’ that would burn a thousand hearts! If these many references can’t get you to guess whom I’m talking of, then go take a hike to the next hill!  There is only one of her kind – the inimitable Madhuri Dixit!

The face where a thousand expressions flit with ease, the grace and beauty undying till date, the smile that can set a million men into a tizzy, her laugh which can set thousands of hearts on a flutter –  you really wonder what there is, not to like in her. For me, she’s arguably the best beauty to have graced Bollywood (I haven’t seen much of Madhubala, who people describe was/is the epitome of beauty, other than a couple of songs and pics to judge, honestly). She danced her way into Bollywood with the cult classic – Ek, do, teen… That song did more than teach the nation to count the days of the month in Hindi. Saroj Khan (her choreographer) deftly extracted the best from her – Madhuri had arrived. And how!

As good an actress that she is, for me she stands out as the best dancer in the movie business. If you have any doubts, you need not take my word for it. I’d urge you to check out a few of her songs. Be it classical or free-form; be it Indian or Western, Madhuri lends a certain grace and personal touch to the choreography that cannot be imitated by anyone, na… not even by watching her songs a zillion times. Be it the highly popular Ek, do, teen (Tezaab); or the song that stopped one’s heartbeats, contrary to what the lyrics suggested – Dhak dhak karne laga (Beta)!

Choli ke peeche kya hai (Khalnayak)? asked a song very suggestively, and Madhuri added sensuality sans vulgarity. She looked like the hottest fisher-woman on the planet as she swayed to Humko aaj kal hain (Sailaab). Who can forget her diamond-cut back open blouse and blue saree of Didi tera dewar deewana (Hum Aapke Hain Kaun) fame?  She grooved to Ankhiyan milaun (Raja) and gave Sanjay Kapoor his (once and forever) two minutes of fame! She also single-handedly managed to make Bengal gram fields sexy when she sang about the scuffles in Chane ke khet mein (Anjaam). She swayed to Mera piya ghar aaya (Yaarana); which makes me wonder, which piya wouldn’t be glad to see her? No one else could have carried off the role of Pooja of Dil To Pagal Hain – a dancer by profession (Shiamak Davar’s delight, I am sure). She matched Prabhu Deva in Que sera sera (Pukar), and gave all the leading ladies a run for their money with the grace and poise she exuded in Maar dala (Devdas), inspite of having to manage the dress weighing almost 30kgs (I read)! I’ve tried in vain to twitch the eyebrows, one at a time, like she did. Sadly all I manage is a look which words can’t describe. What’s more, she made Aishwarya pale in comparison (aah, who cares about the ‘others’) when they matched steps in Dola re dola (Devdas). She made a comeback through Aaja Nachle, the title track of which is a delight to watch, for the Madhurian charm (there, I even made an adjective!)

She can make any co-star look appealing (Sanjay Kapoor and Akshay Kumar cases in point) and can turn any song into a blockbuster. Who else has made each costume of each song iconic? Whether it’s the orange sari of Dhak dhak; the blue sari of Didi tera dewar, the fisherwoman look of Sailaab, the ghagri choli of Choli ke peeche or the resplendent green costume of Maar dala? You are forced to go to cinema halls (Koyla), stick to the channel playing her movie (Raja) and stay glued to it to watch her on screen (Jhalak Dikhla Jaa) no matter how bad the film/show has fared, such is her charisma!

She can look sensuous without looking slutty; she can give Munni and Sheila a run for their money, any day – hands down! She is the lead star and the item girl, all rolled into one. The fact that she is/was a certain Hussain’s muse and she had a movie named after her, in which a small town girl aspires to be her (Main Madhuri Dixit Banna Chahti Hoon!) is ample proof of her popularity and magic. No doubt, the first crush for my generation. Even today, she need only smile once and you will hear a collective gasp from the audience. Guaranteed.

High time this chant* is altered to give the person behind the persona some credit -

Madhuri, Madhuri, Madhuri…

That’s more like it.

Write here, write now

Tracing the 'evolution' of my writing - from the start to date…

We never used slates in school but Baba always insisted I use one at least for practicing Math problems using chalks (for ease and of course saving paper); the subject which was under his tutelage. 

That was the stage of pencils as well. At the start of each academic year in the month of June, every child had a brand new set of pencils, along with of course the other ‘accessories’ such as the eraser and the sharpener and a pencil box to keep them. It was the parents' duty to sharpen each of them (not the child, the pencil!) and arrange them neatly in the pencil box and it was the child's duty to lose at least one of them (not the parents, the pencil!) on the first day itself. The pencil shavings were another source of inspiration and fascination! Some of us used to preserve them and create objects out of them (their degree of sophistication is debatable), the most common one being the ‘rose’, created by simply collecting the shavings and curling one over the other. Then there were some who used to poke others (no Facebook Poke then, the 

real deal) after sharpening the pencil to the maximum point. 

The next stage, the one I was awaiting, came when I was in the 4th standard - the fountain pens! The smell of the ink, the proud feeling of holding a ‘grown ups writing instrument’, the stains on the fingers, clothes, bag and of course, the smooth flow of the nib against the sheet of paper. There was a lot of variety to choose from, and I don't mean the Parkers etc. They differed based on the way they stored the ink (plain filling or suction) and so on and so forth… 

The crucial times were the tests and exams. You would have to be foolish to not carry an extra one then as unknown to us, Murphy started influencing our lives then itself - if a pen had to malfunction, it would do so right on the day of the test/exam! The stress was sometimes relieved through the pen and there were a few students who would unknowingly shake it, not to help the ink to flow, but out of habit and ‘tension’ and inadvertently sprinkle some drops on those sitting around him/her :D

After that came "the others". I wouldn't want to waste too much space for them as though they have made our lives simpler and brought down the costs drastically, they are neither functionally fascinating nor aesthetically pleasing. Yes, the ball point pens. Of course I have dismembered them too, to check how they function. There was this one pen which used to be a favourite during exam time – Cello Maxwriter, now that one really did write smoothly and strained the hands lesser than when holding the others.

The gel pens, the fibre tip pens (not very reliable, especially if you write with great force) and of course the ‘pilot pens’. Remember those black/white ones with the arrow mark at the head near the nib? Those were really the rage sometime (many years) back!

I fear that's about it. Nowadays any ‘writing’ involves this keyboard and the mouse. Not much fun in that if you can't even doodle on the last page, or scratch off something after second thoughts (now don't be a smart alec and mention the html code for "strike out")!

CWG in 3G

Disclaimer: The b*****d depicted in this dialogue is non-fictious and resemblance to any person living is purely non-coincidental

CWG in 3G

Cast: ‘Sir U Made Lakhs’ aka Suresh Kalmadi along with a CBI official

Scene: At the CBI office, New Delhi

__________________________________________________

*a restless Kalmadi in custody asks his lawyer*

Kalmadi: “Mujhe CWG ‘khelna’ hain, kab kheloonga main??? Kab nikloonga main yahaan se???”

*goes and asks the CBI official, while soulful pipe music plays in the background*

Kalmadi: “Baat nahin karni thi to bulaya kyun?”

CBI: “Yahaan pe ek over-bridge hua karta tha”

*Kalmadi looks down sheepishly with the background music changing to ‘Queen’s baton rally’*

CBI: “Mr. Suresh Kalmadi, ek minister ki nazar kabhi paise pe nahi honi chahiye!”

Kalmadi: “Tu rukh zara... tujhe toh baad mein dekhta hoon”

CBI: “Rough mat khel, tu hain meri moothi mein! Aur ek baat bata, tumhare jaise aur kaun kaun se minister idhar CBI office mein aane baki hain?”

Kalmadi: “No Idea!”

CBI: “Then get Idea, till I count 1,2,3…!”

          

*Kalmadi tries to sweet-talk the CBI official and opens his touchscreen phone (with 3G) and shows it to the CBI office in an inviting manner, ala apna MSD*

Kalmadi: “Coffee?? Chupchup gupshup suru ho jaane do… Dosti ki sab baatein guftagoo mein chalne do…”

*kahani ka climax…*

CBI: “Nahi! Ab hum hain FASTER SMARTER and BETTER, aur Tihar will be your abode forever!!!”

*the signature tune ‘Tan tan tadan tan…’ starts playing and reaches a crescendo*

CUT!

__________________________________________________

Credits –

Dialogue conceived by: Rohan Pandit

Original scripts: Airtel, Idea, Aircel

"Whistle blower"

I love train journeys. I can't say it enough and I can't get enough of them. So what if we still have only holes in the floors of our toilets or still have to rely on metal chains to secure our luggage; train journeys are fun… and relaxing… and oh so comfortable! Unlike a bus journey, you don't have to worry about when the next pee-stop will be and whether you will have to look for a thick bush or a big tree. Unlike a plane journey, you don't have to get to the place at some god forsaken hour and some hundreds of god forsaken hours before the scheduled departure nor worry about not looking good for the journey, or worse still wonder which one of your co-passengers is carrying that suspicious looking piece of luggage.

You get to the railway station either on time or later, because not in the history of Indian Railways has any train come before time. If it is late, you look at your fellow passengers, give that all knowing shake of head and comment about the state of Indian Railways. Following which, you buy a book or a magazine, plonk yourself on a small piece of ledge or bench, asking the people to move and make that little place, while giving them the half apologetic, half ‘come-on-lets-be-nice-now’ look. You may start reading your material but you still look around, to look out for any interesting specimens, and of course to make sure every five minutes that your luggage, which is at your feet, is still there and very much safe!

Since it is a place always bustling with people, your eyes don't linger long enough. Occasionally you catch someone else doing the same. You look away, you don't maintain eye contact for long. You don't want to discover acquaintances, you don't want to strike a conversation. You just want to bide your time till the train comes. Beggars approach you, you pretend to not notice them. They look at you, they stay for a while, they judge you. If you look easy, they don't move away till they see you dig into your purse/wallet for that coin. If you don't, they move to the next person. If the train is really late, you catch the same beggars again and again. The same rounds, the same expression, the same tone, the same perseverance…

You see someone interesting. A kid, a family, a lady, a man, a bunch of students, a group of senior citizens, a gang of what looks like ruffians. You look at them in between flipping pages of your reading material. You don't want to alarm them, make them feel conscious, break their rhythm, draw their attention to you. You wonder if they are locals or tourists. You try to decide based on their clothing and mannerisms. You wonder if they are boarding the same train, if they will be your companions for the next few hours. You wish they are, you wish they aren't. 

Just then there is a rustle on the platform - a collective movement. Someone heard a whistle, someone saw a train approaching. The announcements are read out over the microphone in the same monotone. You can barely catch it, except if you hear hard enough, the train number and/or the train name. All you rely on are the porters, who are the best source of information. They'll tell you which train is late before even the enquiry section comes to know of it. They'll even tell you why, if you ask them nice enough and if they are bored enough. Then they walk away. They have to be at some place, they have to make a living. 

The train finally arrives. The whole platform is now alive. You see the mad rush for the doors of the general compartment. You let out a silent shudder, thanking your stars that you don't have to be a part of it. The snob in you wonders why they can't just be civil. The rest of you feels ashamed at that thought. You walk up to your bogie and see that the scene isn't too different here. The only difference is in the attire. People are still crowding around the door, not even letting the ones inside alight. You wait for it to clear.

You get inside, not even giving a second look to the station or platform. You are more bothered about finding your seat, securing your luggage and getting comfortable. Your journey has just begun…

PS: This post can also be placed under the subject line: An hour at the Railway Station, as we used to get in school essays

The Perfect Circle

When you were a little kid and given a pencil, you must have started with drawing simple shapes like a square, a rectangle or maybe a circle; your parents might have held the tiny hands of yours and helped you feel the beauty of holding the pencil and the power of expressing yourself.

Drawing a circle is often what most kids start with: the flower which you first drew with the little bud in the centre, the iris of the eye or the bright yellow sun which you drew on fresh papyrus, etc. The one thing which was tricky in these was drawing the circle. Most of the time you wouldn’t end up at the starting point as you curve the circle into shape otherwise it turned out into an oval or any abstract shape. In fact it has been observed that even the finest of artists cannot draw a perfect circle without leaving little smudges somewhere.

Now, you must be wondering what’s my point anyway? Well there is a lot more about The Perfect Circle…

Anchor yourself

If you want to draw the flawless circle you would use the compass anchoring the sharp end to the centre of the paper, anchoring yourself and gripping to the focus is crucial. If I can take the liberty of analogizing, it’s more like anchoring to your faith or religion. I’m someone who believes every religion enunciates the same values just like how your Math teacher taught when you were young, it’s very important to have a firm anchor around which you move and which can guide you as you shape the arc. Once you finish the circle, the centre is not visible to the naked eye, but it's decisive to give you the necessary direction and guidance just like God whom you cannot see and yet the presence which is important as you shape up!

The strong spike

The spike or the long arm of the compass is like your conscience which is pivoted to your faith which helps you define what your values are. It encompasses what our ethics and ideals are and the inherent humane feelings which makes us a social being. Just like a good spike which is made of steel rather than plastic, our principles give us the strength and ability to link with our faith. Most of us have these ideals but sometimes we end up in situations questioning them or weighing whether to hold on to them. Maybe the compass leg is made of steel but holding on to it is more worth than its weight in gold!

The pencil

The pencil is YOU! There is no point in having the right anchor or the perfect compass unless you tighten the pencil well. Eventually the artist who etches the circle is you and how good you can do it depends on how well you hold yourself to the compass!

The centre, the compass and the pencil together creates the wonderful synergy. There has been times in my life when I thought I could draw the circle just with the pencil and I failed. Then I thought I could be the atheist: a compass with a well tightened pencil but without dropping the anchor anywhere and then I wondered, if love could happen without a reason why do I need to seek reasoning in the existence of God and I sought for the anchor. Well, it is no good if you have the focus and a nice compass and yet the pencil is loosely held - a pencil which is clinging on and yet wobbling around - that what many of us are like, I believe!

And when you have everything right, the faith in your anchor, the paragon compass and you are secured well to it like a kid holding tight to its mother, you get it - you grow from the little kid who started with a flimsy pencil to a fine person who can draw the perfect circle - the perfectly meaningful circle of life!

PS: This post might have sounded like one from a Reverend Rohan(!) but believe me, I didn’t mean to be preachy :P

The World Cup - A Sachin Tendulkar Story

I'd never been this nervous while watching cricket. At some point during the quarter finals against Australia, I understood why. When Tendulkar nicked one off Shaun Tait and walked back - images of the man with small eyes staring upwards and walking back dejected beamed on the TV screen. Is that it? Will I ever see him again in a WC ODI?

Anyone who has followed Tendulkar's career closely, and many have, would remember the pain of 1996, 1999 and 2003 (didn't/couldn't follow 1992 for obvious reasons). His very first batting line-up, I learn from Baba and other sources included Shastri, Srikkanth, Azhar, Tendulkar, Kambli, Manjrekar, Kapil and Kiran More. India never really got going that tournament. The only matches we won in that entire world cup (against Pakistan and Zimbabwe) Tendulkar was the MoM - and a superb 81 against NZ going to waste because of Greatbatch's heroics. No Indian fan really expected India to win the world cup. The team had 3 ex-captains and were generally screwed even before the cup began. But that was the beginning of new India. As the oft-repeated cliche goes. A new economic India was born, The cable TV era began with Star TV coming to India. Liberating us from License Raj and DD. Sachin Tendulkar and A.R. Rahman were introduced to the new India. My generation began to dream.

1996: was to me was the ultimate Tendulkar's World Cup. It was a world cup where we had a real chance. And Tendulkar represented that chance. Anybody who was in school/college during the time - became part of the Tendulkar generation. He became the reason for watching cricket. And how! From what I've read about SRT, New Zealand was the place where thanks to N.S. Sidhu - who went on to be the worst T.V. commentator ever - we had discovered that Sachin could open and do a Mark Greatbatch. Here was one man who could challenge anybody. The rest were humans. But Sachin was a cricketing god who could tame any team. Even Ambrose and McGrath went for an economy rate of over 5 an over. Every single game barring the Pakistan game became a Tendulkar show. He was the highest scorer in the tournament scoring an amazing 523 runs. It was the one man batting line-up with Sidhu, Manjrekar, Azhar, Kambli, Jadeja, Mongia merely acting as props. Unsurprisingly no other Indian was in the top 20 highest scorers list. To put it simply, if Tendulkar failed, Game over. Also, the stumping of a wide ball against M. Waugh was stuff of Greek tragedy. In that context - that we reached the semi finals was a super human effort. It showed the distance that one man could carry an average team. Tendulkar tragically got stumped in the most freakish way possible in the all-important Semi against Sri Lanka though. Game over. It was probably the saddest moment then. No one in my age-group knew how 1983 felt like. We wanted another one. And we had to wait.

1999: Turned on the TV to find out Tendulkar not in the team. Why? It took a while for the commentators to mention his personal tragedy. The only match he wasn't with the team - we managed to lose to Zimbabwe. Damn! That was the reason we didn't make the semi finals. This was a world cup where we actually had a batting line-up. It was the new generation batting line-up that had the core 3 batsman. This core would go on to redefine the country's cricketing future. Ganguly, Tendulkar, Dravid were that core nucleus who were teamed with S. Ramesh, Azhar, Jadeja, Robin Singh. It seemed like a decent line-up on paper but the batting machine took a while to start given Sachin's absence and our fate was sealed by the time the first two matches of the world cup were over.

2003: was the world cup of the awesome Tendulkar. The difference between 1996 and 2003 was that it was no more Tendulkar vs India. It was more of Tendulkar vs the other team with Indians finally learning how to close matches without choking after their best batsman got out. There was finally some value to the 4th, 5th and 6th batsman. Sachin started with a 80 against Zimbabwe, went on to hand back Caddick a new a**, and hit some incredible 90s against Pak (one innings which I won't forget in a long time), SL. 673 runs. A level of maniacal scoring that surpasses any other sporting achievement I have seen. That we reached the finals in spite of Sehwag and Ganguly underperforming beyond belief is a testament to the superhuman efforts of 1 man. And then the finals became Tendulkar vs India. Again. To a few others we lost the match after Zaheer's  first over. To most the match was beyond over by lunch. Some even wondered the need to walk out to bat second. Might as well have completed the presentation ceremony at lunch. Only a few retarded morons thought the match was over after Tendulkar got out in the first over! To see him answer questions asked of him the post-match interview after winning the MVP/MoS award was heart-wrenching. It was the most painful thing. More painful than Ian Chappell sadistically torturing Lance Klusner when he won the 1999 MVP award.

2007: We deserved to lose. If there is a captain or a coach who thought that Sehwag or Ganguly (or anyone else) are better ODI openers than Sachin Tendulkar - neither of them deserve anything better than a first round exit. I cannot think of a cricketing strategy that has statistically failed more times, more reliably and more painfully than Tendulkar at #4. This suggestion alone is a high confidence indicator that the person suggesting it has no cricketing brains. I was glad that our exit was as shameful as it turned out to be.

...

2011: And there we were. In the Quarter finals of the world cup 2011 against Australia. India was still undecided about Sachin vs India. In the two matches against Englands and South Africa - India successfully pulled off a strong resistance to Sachin's efforts to win us the match. This Indian team had the best batting line-up I have ever seen in any team in any world cup. Every single person was capable of changing the match in their own right. So when Sachin was walking back towards the pavilion after getting caught behind to Tait - I was thinking - is this the end? Has all the pain come to naught? Will the greatest batsman of my generation not win the world cup. Then Gautam Gambhir stepped up his act. Then Yuvraj and then Raina. Finally it looked like this was India vs the other team (way better than just Sachin vs the other team). The icing on the cake was him winning the 3rd MoM award in a total of 5 WC clashes against Pakistan (though the one he least deserved, I feel). To me beating Pakistan was high up the priority list. Pakistan stand comprehensively defeated by India for the past 15 years. That Javed Miandad Six is buried somewhere in Chetan Sharma's retirement fund.

There were several points in the QF, Semis and Finals where I just couldn't bear the tension. This is arguably the best world cup I have seen and featured some of the best matches involving India. Every single match against a test playing nation was closely contested, could have gone either way and was tense as hell. I am glad we won it the way we did. Ironically, his world cup campaign started in 1992 with a caught behind to Stewart (I'm told) and ended with a caught behind to Sangakkara. 

Virat Kohli summed up the entire history of Tendulkar at the post-match interviews with one powerful line. And I can't believe he was this articulate so naturally. No one could have come up with that line even if they were given a day to prepare. And he said it causally - "Sachin has carried the nation on his shoulders for 21 years, it is time we carried him on our shoulders!" They did that literally and metaphorically through their performances. It was the one of the most memorable days of my life; and after almost a decade of cynicism I truly became a believer. The Master finally has what he deserved all this while!

Dressed to kill!

I was privy to a decking up ceremony. Before you get ideas, it happened to be a truck. A goods carrier. I have never seen a new truck, a brand new one, not even in pictures. All this while I was exploring a sprawling vineyard in a town called Narayangaon (Taluka: Junnar) about 75 km from Pune on the Pune-Nashik Highway, NH-50.

For me trucks have always been pesky, irritating occupiers of road space without whom travel would have been so much smoother. They are dirty, spew a lot of smoke, and are all noise and no speed and perpetually breakdown and cause traffic snarls.

Finding a new truck was special. I’ve never stared long enough at the front face of a truck. You don’t want to see the face of most things you don’t like, right? Truck posteriors with "Horn OK Please" messages have inundated my vision, more by default because one is usually tailing a truck that refuses to give right of way. Coming back to how the ‘new’ truck looked. At the forehead, was a salutation to a certain Goddess, written in bright saffron. Right below, the forehead, much like a human face, was a wide eyed windscreen which gives the driver a large view of the smaller pieces of transport whose life he’s about to screw. On the bonnet, which is shaped like a nose, you had the abused but ubiquitous "शुभ लाभ " written on either side, with some decoration that made me think of the nose ring that brides wear. There also was, right below the bonnet a salutation to another god, something to the effect of "वीरभद्र प्रसन्न". I guessed that in the trucker community, there might be different gods to be propitiated for different parts of the truck - one for the bonnet, the engine, the windscreen. The fender, had another message written, something about someone’s parents blessings being with the truck. This was one blessed vehicle!

Now, the driver was playing self designated priest/pujari. He looked dishevelled, but then what did the truck know. He broke a coconut on the side of the truck and spilled coconut water on the bonnet, on the road and on his trousers. Both man and machine were purified now. He then broke the coconut up into four pieces and inserted them below all four tyres. It was critical that a poor fruit be subject to four tyres so that the supreme gods that govern the roads be happy. 

Having moved into the cockpit, he prayed to the steering, lit some incense sticks and waved them around. Now the speed dial, the brakes, the accelerator and the ignition key were all under divine intervention. The ignition turned and the truck roared, spewing forth its first installment of carbon monoxide and dust. The driver put on a squeaky tape that was high on treble and low on melody. He arbitrarily cut in into nearby traffic, as two autos scurried to take cover. A cyclist was ignored and a couple of passenger cars suitably cornered. It laboured to reach top speed of 35 kmph while taking the rightmost lane. The mammoth was well and truly on its way.

A Cricketing Metaphor

Since the time Cricket broadcasters and Indian advertisers deemed it fit to push L-shaped ads, Pop-up ads, Exploding ads, Crawly ads in the middle of a delivery of all things during the recent India – South Africa cricket series, heralding a new low for even the greedy broadcasters and the even greedier BCCI, reducing the cricket telecast to interspersing cricket between unending intrusive advertising rather than the other way round, I’ve come to dislike brands who intruded into my viewing pleasure so blatantly and put me off all things cricket in print and on TV.

I steer clear of the clutter now, and am apprehensive of switching on the TV for fear of running into yet another segment of Dev’s Devils from 1983. I’d want India to win this year’s World Cup if for nothing than at least so we’d be spared of the aging narrative of the 1983 team repeated ad nauseam each time the World Cup swings into view. I’d rather have Dhoni’s Dhulaiwaley given the bar stools four years hence, not that they’d offer any more insight and drama on the studio camera, but at least the faces would be different.

Fortunately, the streets are relatively free of cricket advertising heading into the World Cup unless you’d consider the India Today cover plastered on a Telephone Box at the corner of Goodluck Chowk (ironically) in Pune a part of it.

Even so I’m delighting in the snatches I overhear on my way about the city. And none more so than the exchange between two youths I overheard recently on my way up the crowded stairs of a multiplex just before a show - 

On reaching out to steady his friend who stumbled on a step behind me, nearly falling in the crush of bodies, the smiling saviour could not resist quipping in jest:

Rough Wicket Hai,
Gir Jaogey.
Simple Delivery Bhi,
Googly Hai.

And the magic was back on. Show me the remote. GO INDIA!

Death of the Bicycle!

The innocuous transport of the aam aadmi has a tarnished image now. The mazdoor’s transport, a symbol of penury is now a 'Lost Symbol'. In fact it's being exploited for its inherent characteristic: that of being Indian, hoi polloi and indistinguishable in any marketplace. 

The cyclist has always been a simple man, in films either the postman or a simpleton peon who carries the burden of a large family, struggling to do so. During the bad times, the cycle represents the vicious cycle that he is caught in, the good times the cycle represents wheels of progress. Mass produced and mass consumed, the cycle can even claim to be one of the biggest uniting symbols of the Indian mass, irrespective of culture and language. Even the names of the biggest cycle brands - Hero, Hercules, Atlas are quite a revelation about the burden that the cycle is meant to carry.  

A cycle also represents the balancing act for the Indian. Wife at the back (at the front when the marriage was still new!) and kids on the rod in front, sometimes even on the handle, can be precarious proposition, but the ages have seen this delicate balance thrive with ample joy and smiles on faces. The Bajaj scooter has usurped this position somewhat but then in the villages of India, Bajaj is still aspirational, while Hero is still staple.

It's interesting how a cycle mingles into the marketplace. Parked against anybody’s wall, it’s never seen as a burden. Pretty much like the mongrels which inhabit temple stairs and railway stations. Their essentiality to the very definition of that surrounding, inconspicuous by their very nature, subdued like a village bumpkin. Its also the only vehicle that ‘walks’ as much as it runs. The ease with which it is pulled up into footpaths, manoeuvred through choc-a-bloc situations and led through crowded railway bridges is worth mentioning. While it has an owner in most cases, there are no qualms about letting it go for someone else’s errand. The cycle is there for you to see and what you see is what you get.

Remember the last time you heard the tring of a bicycle behind you and how you budged exactly an inch to let it pass, and it did?!

Look back and move on...

I meant for this to be a goodbye post, but then my Internet connection hung up for a few hours while it had its own party, and the date changed. So, a welcome post it shall be.

2010 - I don't know where to start. So much happened this year. It was a great year. That's not to say it didn't have it's valleys and dips, but there was so much that could have gone wrong and didn't. That's the first feeling that engulfs me when I look back: gratitude. The first prayer I always say starts with a thank you for all that is. And so, in a way, I fulfilled the only resolutions I set down for myself: live in the present, enjoy the moment, carpe diem.

The second resolution was one to not give up, to push myself and keep going no matter what. I had ups and downs but I trundled on. I took great risks and got greater rewards. "Fearless" wasn't really a word in my vocabulary, but at least the fears were acknowledged and faced and even overcome. Hey, it's progress!

It's been a year of adventures and hard work and goals and milestones. Of making and strengthening bonds. It's been a year in which I surprised myself, over and over. Nice feeling, that. It's been a year of full, and yet fulfilling, calendar spaces. It's been a year of so many firsts and so many tests. And I'm proud of myself for having dealt with them so well, because you really never know what you can do until there's no one else to do it.

It's been a year of goodbyes and hellos. So many amazing people came and went, but mostly stayed. People who, for some reason I fail to fathom, like me. I know what my resolution this year will be. A big thank you to you all - you make my world go round.

It was also a year of attempting, if not quite achieving, the perfect balance. Getting over the part, anticipating the future. It's so easy to lose sight of the present moment, so easy for it to dissolve, but if one thing on my full calendar makes me happy, it's the smiley face beneath the scribbles on almost every weekend. And it was so important to do that to keep going. Work first, life afterwards - really not a wise mantra. At times, I went so fast that everything was just a colourful blur. But stopping is important too. You need something to balance the weight on the see-saw so you don't go down.

I've been so lucky. I can only hope that I can continue to improve, to build upon what was begun, to fix what was wrong and be a better person. 2011 has a lot in store - and a lot of competition too. It could be the year that makes or breaks everything - so to speak. But it really isn't fair to put so much pressure on it. All one can do is hope.

This could be your story just as it was mine. I hope that you, at any rate, found something you could connect with. And if you're here, now, reading this, then Wish you a very happy and prosperous 2011!